Today is my mom’s birthday and I thought I would share 5 lessons I learned from her growing up. My friends jokingly call her “CEO Mom” because there really isn’t a better way to describe her. My mom immigrated to the U.S. in the 1980s from Taiwan, started a business and had me at age 31. As a single mother and entrepreneur, she created a pretty amazing life for herself and her family. My mom is the original boss lady and tiger mom. It wasn’t easy growing up with a boss for a mom, but I’ve learned so many invaluable lessons from her that I know will undoubtedly carry over to how I raise my own children.
Lesson #1: Work smarter, not harder
My mom used to say this to me ALL the time.. "work smarter, not harder” on repeat. As a kid, I wasn’t really sure what she meant - “I am working hard! I am working smart! What is the difference??! (insert teenage eye roll here 🙄)” Now, I find myself repeating the same thing to M. She’s only 7 and doing homework with her already feels like a battle. I think a part of this mantra we repeat to our children is because we want to relieve them from the stress we’ve been through ourselves. “If you can finish it in 5 minutes, why take an hour” - another thing my mom used to always say to me.
At age 14, I started my very first job cleaning pianos at a piano gallery and I began to understand what my mom was really trying to teach me. It was to take ownership of what I was doing, prioritize and stay focused on my task. Don’t work so hard without results. If you are going to do something, give it all you got and keep getting better at it. Whether it was cleaning pianos, working retail, tutoring kids, working in a kitchen, or working 9-5 at a restaurant company, from my first job until now, I’ve always applied the same work ethic my mom taught me at an early age.
Lesson #2: Take care of yourself first so you can take care of other
I still remember the example my mom would always use to teach me that I should take care of myself first before taking care of others. “When an airplane is going down, what do they tell you to do? Put the oxygen mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.” For my mom, a single mom, taking care of herself first meant building her business here in the States while I was in Taiwan with my grandparents for the first 4 years of my life. This allowed her to have a successful career that continues to provide and support her family in so many ways.
As a child, it was difficult to understand the decisions and challenges my mom faced. As a mother now, I am only beginning to understand how important it is to take care of myself so I can be a better parent to my children. Taking care of ourselves can mean different things for different people - for my mom, it was to be financially successful to support herself and her family, and for me, it is to pay attention to my mental and physical health so I can be fully present with my children. I’m grateful that my mom made those choices in her life that allowed her to take care of herself first, which then allowed her to take care of me and the rest of her family.
Lesson #3: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all
To be honest, my mom usually says this as a retort to something said about her in a less than positive light and could probably take a bit of her own advice on this one. 😂 However, she’s repeated it enough times where it’s ingrained in my head and I’ve bit my tongue on more than a number of occasions because of it. To be clear, my mom is outspoken and unafraid to speak her mind in any setting at any time. Because of it, I’m generally very non-confrontational and often feel empathetic to whoever is on the other end of my mom’s wrath. So, ironically, this saying actually taught me a different lesson than what was originally intended. As I’ve gotten older, and definitely after having kids, I’ve learned to be more outspoken but to speak up with more kindness and empathy. So I guess the lesson to pass on to my children is, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all… but if you are going to say something, say it with kindness and empathy.” For example, I used to never say anything or send back a food or drink order if the server made a mistake on my order, but I’ve learned that it isn’t to my benefit or to the restaurant’s if I don’t speak up about it. Imagine if someone had a severe food allergy and the restaurant makes a mistake and it ends up sending someone to the hospital. This doesn’t mean I need to be rude about it, because mistakes can happen, but giving constructive feedback to a restaurant about their operations can be a win for both the customer and the food establishment.
Lesson #4: Always ask a question
My mom told me when she was learning English in Taiwan, she would visit tourist areas to approach American tourists to practice her English. It pushed her out of her comfort zone and it was free tutoring. Getting out of her comfort zone seems to be where my mom thrives and this was a lesson she tried to teach me early on. “Always ask a question in class” My mom never hesitates to ask a question in meetings, whether it’s with 10 people or 100 people. She used to always tell me that it was a free way to practice your public speaking. “There aren’t many opportunities for you to speak and have 100 people listen to you, so raise your hand and ask a question”. Questions also show that you have been listening, so pay attention and ask thoughtful questions. This is something I tried to teach my girls early on, to always speak up and ask questions. If you’ve ever met M, you’ll know that girl is never shy to ask questions… some might say she asks TOO many questions… 🙊
Lesson #5: Be involved
It’s a running joke that my mom is like the energizer bunny and doesn’t seem to run out of energy. When she wasn’t being CFO at the company she built for close to 20 years, she was volunteering at my school and various other community organizations throughout my childhood. When she retired from her company in 2005, she propelled herself into community service. As an Asian American citizen, she wanted to make sure that her voice was being heard and she wanted to give back to the community that gave her so much. In 2012, when I was pregnant with M, my mom was honored by our hometown’s chamber of commerce as the citizen of the year for her active volunteerism in eight different organizations. In 2016, she was one of 14 women in the San Gabriel Valley to receive the Congressional Women of the Year Award from Congresswoman Judy Chu.
When M entered elementary school, I was reminded of how much effort my mom put in to be present and active in my school all while running a business, so I dutifully signed up to do my part in volunteering at her school. I know my commitment and passion for volunteering may never match my mom’s, but the lesson she taught me is to always be involved in whatever way I can.
Happy Birthday, Mom! Thank you for being you and for all these lessons you taught me. You probably don’t remember or realize the impact they’ve made on me, but rest assured, your voice is always in my head! I love you!