Over a week ago, I received the news of a good friend’s unexpected passing. Since that day, my heart has been extremely heavy as I try to process this difficult news. There are so many questions and most of which I will probably never have the answers for. On the outside, everything seems to move on as usual, but internally, I am still so sad. Grief seems to hang over my head like a dark cloud and there are moments throughout the day, seeing an old photo or hearing a sad song, where the grief overwhelms me and that dark cloud pours and pours…
A few nights ago, as I was looking through old yearbooks and photos with tears running down my face, M asked me,
“Mommy, are you sad because your friend died?”
“Yes, baby..”
“Mommy, how old was your friend?”
“36.”
“But Mommy, you can’t die at 36… you can only pass away when you are old right?”
“No sweetie, people can pass away at any age….” 😢
“Even a baby?”
“Yes, sometimes, even a baby…” 😭
M has seen us grieve before for older family members, but couldn’t understand how someone mommy & daddy’s age could die. It was a difficult conversation to have with a 7 year old, but we’ve always strived to be honest and open with our kids while still being sensitive to how these conversations will affect them.
Life is so short. We hear it all the time and the saying is cliched, but my friend’s passing has opened my eyes to just how fragile and short life really is. When I see my children so full of energy and life, I am constantly reminded of myself at that age and how life seems to have fast forward in a blink of an eye to today.
When I think about my friend and all the memories with him, I remember how he was someone that always brought laughter and people together. With him around, you knew it was going to be good time. It feels like we all grew up too quickly and I wish for a moment to go back to those younger days of just hanging out with my friend. As much as it hurts to think that he is no longer here on this earth, I am thankful for all the memories. It is the memories that bring me peace to move forward and live life with more urgency to create happy memories.
